I actually don’t know how I am still alive after reading this. Fifty shades of please fuck me in the head with a gun, I don’t want to read this shit anymore! Please, anyone, build a time machine, I wanna go back in time and put a condom on E.L. James’ dad before all of this hell and damnation! Ewww, I know, but someone should do it!
This book has no possible-believable-logical plot! This books follows the random fantasies of E.L. who definitely had too much Sandra Brown to read as a kid and remained traumatized and instead of bushy triangles, we have crappy BDSM style of fuckery.
Characters? Better call them Lickers of all the places where our magnificent miss Steel sat her sorry ass. Grey, Juan or whatever his name was… then that supposed future boss… they all praise her for an intelligence she doesn’t posses (but yeah, I suppose E.L. actually looks in the mirror and said: I’m pretty, I’m smart!!) and has an inner goddess that managed to annoy half of the planet and delude another half.
People, that’s not great sex! that’s not even BDSM! Grey is a stupid, perfectly good looking fucker (yeah right, sorry.. wanted to say Edward Cullen)with stalker tendencies who’s absolutely smitten with a retarded, unbalanced and seriously mind-fucked Anna (Bella) and the whole story is about how perfect he is and how hot and fuckable-with-a-tampon-up-her-hole Anna really is(though she doesn’t know.. see… retarded, she doesn’t know how to use a mirror) and a lame excuse to say Charlie Tango 10 times.
He’s a manipulative asshole and she’s a stupid bitch that doesn’t have anything interesting to say, only how beautiful and perfect and oh! so dark and mysterious is this Grey fella.
If you don’t believe me,do the 50 shades drinking game and you’ll get in the hospital with your inner goddess in a profound coma and serious brain damage (alcohol or book?).