Can you take a leap of faith? Can you dive into the river, not knowing if you will make it to the other side when you’ll hear the call? I don’t know the answers, I don’t know what will happen, what I see is only a glimpse of the big puzzle, how the invisible threads that are tied together and pull us in a direction or another.
But, in the end, you cannot avoid it, it’s laid there, in front of you, and you walk towards it even when you believe you cheated it, when you congratulate yourself for escaping the chains.
Anyway, we’ll end up in the same place, at the same time. We might change something along the way, but we’ll be there, on the stage, playing the part that was designed for us, we’ll know the lines when the time will come.
Or I just might be terribly insane, but aren’t we all?
Cold and final, this touch
shuts down my eyelids,
silence slides down my throat.
I can still hear
the soft hum in your chest,
I can feel the trembling of your hands
as you tie the rope around my ankles
I can feel the snow biting on my skin.
I’m not a cat,
I don’t have nine lives to die,
I have nothing but this old coin
pressed on my tongue.
We all die,
some silenced by time,
some by knife.
In London, these last few days, the sun’s been up in the sky and so are my hopes. My eyes opened to see the truth, to see the reality, the things that I didn’t want to face. But now, things have changed. I am changing. I am being reborn, slowly from my own ashes, true to the core but shining brighter than before.
And it all starts with the little things; like quitting smoking (4 days now), going on a healthy diet, doing exercises, writing again, improving mind and spirit and, most of all, keeping my eyes wide open. Time for a change, time to spread the wings and let the right people in, time to smile and shine.
I came to London to in search of love and I found it, I came to London to rediscover myself, I came to London to change my life. This is my journey and it starts here, it might not end here, but I’m back on track, rediscovering myself and the people around me, listening, not only with ears, but with heart and mind too. I’ve been down, but I got up. I try to smile every day, every morning, even when I feel lonely and everything is quiet around me. I turn to the hum inside my heart and I find joy.
Of course, my journey just started, my eyes still adjust to the new light, but I praise this new beginning, wherever it might take me, whatever it might happen. Time to wear pink (ha!).
did you know that sometimes I close the door
to keep you outside, to be all alone,
did you know that sometimes I fall on my knees?
please don’t close the curtains at night
I want to see the sky
and please, please don’t go until you say
because I want to remember your voice.
I could write you poems and songs
I could love you until the end of life
but a rat’s life is short
and I want to stare into your black eyes
and see the stars.
please, never let me sleep
I don’t want to close my eyes in front of you,
but please let me dream
I need to feel you close
even if you’re not
‘You do not know how a lonely heart
is trapped in a cage
made of dreams
‘Yes, I do not know how to walk
in a too small shoe
but I feel the pain
of the foot.’
And it’s only a whisper
inside my head.
I weep knowing that Sylvia
is lying in a wooden box
with no windows
her flesh white as marble;
I’d never thought she’ll fall asleep,
breathless on the floor of her kitchen.
Oh, sweet death
you’re doing better than me
you’re keeping into your embrace
the loved ones
there’s a heart at stake
die was cast
my eyes are turning blue
Oh, love take me in your sweet embrace
pull the trigger that keeps my eyes open
and let me dream forever